I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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