the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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