So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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