no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
