I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
