As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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