We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize