I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
