Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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