Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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