he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
