In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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