your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize