I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
