i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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