Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
