I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
