Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
