I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
