I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
