the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The feeling are messing with the penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
