why didn't you poke me back
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
