idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
