Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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