I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
