Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
