Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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