About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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