I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
