Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
