how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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