she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
