I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think my fart just growled at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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