So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
