I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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