She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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