So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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