naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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