Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
As shirtless as possible
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize