I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
did i just pee glitter
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
