is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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