Is it because I queefed?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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