i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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