he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
