watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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