Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
