I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
