Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
