watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
