I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
