i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
