she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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