So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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