I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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