I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
