ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
