yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
