Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
