Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
