I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
