I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am available for nakedness
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize