we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Too much gin, very little bucket
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
