There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
